Wednesday, October 26, 2011

how things are....

but first 2 pictures of my finny...
b/c he's so cute. :)

oh how i love this kid!!

this has been a tough few days to say the least. i wish no woman ever had to go through this, and yet it happens all the time & is so common. miscarriage. now i feel like i'm "one of those women" . not that it's a bad thing, but i feel differently now. if you've gone through it then you understand.
i'm hoping the worst is over. i'll spare you the gritty details but let me just say that for 3 hours last night i was very intimate with my bathroom. i had no idea what to expect & what i went through i wish no one had to. it was painful, it was emotional, it was horrible. i'm not exaggerating.... it was like contractions, the cramps that is. i won't say anything else about it. i am still having heavy bleeding but am hoping that will ease up in the next few days. i did go back to work today, wish i hadn't, but i did.

i was so grateful dan took the day off yesterday to be with me. i needed him, especially last night. i don't know what i would have done without him, theres no way i could have taken care of finn by myself.

this is a depressing post. sorry. but it helps to write it out.
i'm not going to discuss this on facebook, its inappropriate. people will just have to figure out on their own what happened, i'm not going to talk about it on there. i wish i would have never announced the pregnancy. now i know better.

Monday, October 24, 2011

baby conner

i'm sad to say that i've lost this precious baby that i've been carrying. i had an idea b/c i've been bleeding since friday morning. i did go to the dr friday & we saw a heartbeat. but i kept bleeding over the weekend & just didn't have a good feeling. it was confirmed today, 1st at the dr's office, than at the hospital where i had to get another ultrasound done, that there was no heartbeat.
i'm very sad. i'm just so tired and feel very weapy. i'm sad that there won't be a baby here next summer. this had come as a total surprise, but as a mom you become very attached very quickly. which i have done.
please pray for me. i should be able to pass the baby naturally. i'm staying home from work tomorrow but will be back on wed. just pray. thanks.